Here are some funny quotes by April Ludgate:

- “I wished for his happiness to go away. I might be a wizard.”
- “I wanted to make fun of stupid people while I get drunk. My two true passions.”
- “Being a responsible adult sucks butts.”
- “Alcohol is fun and delicious.”
- “I’ll just forge it. I forge government documents all the time.”
- “Being nice made me feel terrible.”
- “Time is money; Money is power; Power is pizza; Pizza is knowledge. Let’s go!”
- “Horizons are dumb. Never broaden your horizons.”
- “At least I didn’t make any new friendships.”
- “What? I love garbage.”
- “Leslie said it was a ‘come as you were in the 90s’ party. I assumed it was the 1690s.”
- “I can convince small children that I’m a witch.”
- “I hate talking to people about things.”
- “I love games that turn people against each other.”