Here are some funny quotes for Instagram that you might like:

- "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right."
- "I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode."
- "I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
- "I don't always take selfies, but when I do, I make sure my hair looks good."
- "I'm not short, I'm concentrated awesome."

I hope you find these quotes amusing. Let me know if you need anything else.